I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this just has baby written all over it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
