So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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