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I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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