I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
