Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
