so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you traded sex for a burrito?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize