I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can text with my tongue
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
