And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We just shotgunned beers for America
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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