Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
