plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
