I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
