I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
