You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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