call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
