Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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