I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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