Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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