I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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