worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
