the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
