it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
