Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
