I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
