Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
