I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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