ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
