Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
