Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Randomize
