so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
