Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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