I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
