he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
