Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we're making bets on your personal life
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
