I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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