You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
