i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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