If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
