What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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