i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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