dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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