An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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