if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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