Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
