eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
