Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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