Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
