The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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