Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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