never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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