I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
