So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize