i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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