I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
