there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
