you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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