How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
