I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
