operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
