it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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