What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
