if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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