the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
