and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
