can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
