i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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