I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
