I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize