he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
