i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
