What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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