dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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