i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
