Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
