If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize