you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize