I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
