Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
