This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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