I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I AM VODKA MAN
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
