Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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