8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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