I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
