is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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