so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
even my farts smell like vagina
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
