that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
